The Signs of Low Self-Esteem in Men When Dating

Look for the early warning signs before you capsize.Look for the early warning signs before you capsize.

Self-esteem is the belief an individual holds about his worth as a person. Self-confidence, on the other hand, is the belief he has in his abilities. Low self-esteem can impact a relationship regardless of time together or perceived compatibility. Engaging in a relationship with a partner who has low self-esteem can damage both partners, creating mental anguish and possibly abuse.

Ideas of Self

An individual with low self-esteem will constantly berate himself about his appearance or skill set, according to Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D. in his article "Are You Dating a Loser?" A man with low self-esteem appears as though he always must be in charge. He believes that his opinions are right and is quick to provocation regardless of circumstances. There is a tendency to feel as though everyone is against him or that he has been dealt a bad hand and is at the whim of the world. Often the partner in such a relationship bears the brunt of the man's skewed view of the world, becoming the center point for every problem that arises.

Ideas of Others

An individual with low self-esteem in a relationship will view everyone as an enemy or at least a potential thorn in both the relationship and plans for the future. In his attempt to eliminate support systems for his partner, he alienates family and friends and makes it seem like they are problems.

When telling stories about past relationships, he makes it appear that the other person was always wrong or caused the breakup. Whether there was infidelity, abuse or simply a clashing of personality in his past relationships, he blames it on the other person.


Prepare for an emotional roller-coaster, because men with low self-esteem fluctuate between being kind and being mean. Quick to bouts of anger and apology, these individuals will always feel as though a fight is about to happen or that breaking up is imminent regardless of the circumstances. Flying off the handle at the slightest of disagreements, these men become raging volcanoes of irrationality.


Often the verbal and mental abuse that the man with low self-esteem inflicts on his partner is a result of his not being equipped to have a complete, rational connection with another person. He acts impulsively to harm the other person because he is projecting his own insecurities and inadequacies on his partner.

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About the Author

Dan O'Brien began writing professionally in 2000. He was a freelance writer at "Enjoy" magazine and wrote short stories for the "Amazon Shorts" program. He is a conditioning trainer and has been involved with fitness since 2003. He is pursuing a Master of Science in psychology at California State University in Chico.

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