Stop all contact with the other person. If you are serious about winning back your partner than you need to sever all ties with the person with whom you cheated. If you do not feel you can stop contact or want to remain friends with this person you need to consider how serious you are about wanting your partner back.
Take responsibility and apologize for your actions. It is important if you want to reconcile your relationship that you admit you were in the wrong. Do not accuse or blame your partner, the only person responsible for your actions is you. Be sincere when making your apology; your partner may not want to listen if she is still in shock so give it time. Eventually she will appreciate the fact you had the courage to admit your wrongdoings.
Arrange a time you can talk to each other. This is an opportunity to get things out in the air not to force the issue of reconciliation. It might take a long time for your partner to come to terms with the infidelity; until he does, he cannot entertain the idea of restarting your relationship.
Be honest when you do talk to your partner. Resist the temptation to lie about what happened, either to protect yourself or as a misguided attempt at protecting her from the truth. She likely knows you well enough to recognize when you are lying – making things worse for you. Think about what you are going to say and how best to say it before talking to your partner.
Answer your partner's questions. Be prepared to answer a variety of awkward questions honestly. The secrecy behind an affair is what causes the most damage to a relationship. Even after reconciliation, you will have to accept he may well ask questions for a long time to come.
Show compassion. Unless you have experienced infidelity for yourself you have no way of knowing how your partner feels. Show kindness and accept she is likely to have many ups and downs. Coming to terms with the infidelity of a loved one is far from a quick process. You need to accept that for the relationship to work you have to give space to process what has happened. If you feel annoyed by the way your partner is acting, leave her alone for a while. Criticizing her or telling her to "get over it" will just make things worse.
Attend couple's counseling. Committing to counseling is a good way to show your partner how important the success of your relationship is to you. A counselor is not there to tell you how to conduct your relationship or to cast opinion on your infidelity. In fact, many couples benefit from having an unknown third party to act as mediator.
- Before attempting to reconcile with your partner, question why you were unfaithful in the first place. Infidelity is usually a sign there is a problem in the relationship, and until you address this issue the relationship is unlikely to succeed.
- Do not expect forgiveness straight away. Coming to terms with the infidelity of a partner is a long and difficult road. It is important you let your partner know you are willing to give as much space as he needs.