How to Stop Insecurity in a Relationship

Nip your relationship insecurities in the bud.Nip your relationship insecurities in the bud.

Insecurity can be an ugly beast. Feeling inadequate and having a poor self-image can bring upon so much destruction to a relationship that otherwise would probably thrive. Whether you are insecure in your relationship due to fear of being compared to other people or because you do not feel that you are good enough for your partner (or anything else), you need to address and stop the situation as soon as possible.

Focus on reality. A lot of people become insecure in relationships due to their overactive imaginations. If you are constantly imagining that your boyfriend is showing interest in other women, even when he really isn't, you are letting your insecurities get the best of you. Look at what is really happening around you instead of letting your imagination run wild.

Allow the relationship to progress in a natural way. If you really like someone, it is only normal that you would hope for the relationship to move to the next level. However, it is very important to allow it to do so on its own time, in a natural and healthy way. Avoid forcing the relationship due to your own fears. One common example is forcing a relationship to progress out of fear that a partner is going to leave. This isn't beneficial for you or for the person that you are dating, either.

Avoid snooping around. Don't let insecurity turn you into a sneaky person. If your girlfriend has a male friend that makes you feel insecure (he might be very good looking or intelligent), avoid snooping around and playing back his voicemail messages to her, for example. If you listen to something without knowing its proper context, you could be setting yourself up to feeling a lot of confusion and unnecessary distress. Also, you don't want to come across as a snoop.

Concentrate on positivity. If your feelings of inadequacy and insecurity are really strong, chances are you put all of your energy towards worrying about the relationship. Worrying all of the time is no way to create a happy relationship. Instead, think about why your partner is in a relationship with you in the first place. Remember why you want to be in a relationship with this person, and focus on all of the good experiences you have shared so far. Thinking positively may help you in eliminating your feelings of insecurity and nervousness.

Avoid comparing relationships. If you have been burned in a past relationship, that by no means indicates that you will be burned in this one. If you dated someone previously that cheated on you, it understandably might make you feel insecure about this one. However, that situation can be very unfair to your present partner. Take a step back and stop generalizing about people and relationships, as you probably wouldn't appreciate it if someone did that to you. Remember that just because you have been hurt before doesn't mean you will be hurt again. Your ex and your present partner have nothing to do with each other.

Remember that you are not a mind reader. If you live in constant fear that your partner simply isn't that interested in the relationship, stop trying to be a mind reader. This can only lead to driving you absolutely insane. Instead of predicting the feelings of your partner, ask her. Although asking her straight out might hurt if you don't get the answer that you want, it might also be able to save you a lot of time, heartache and confusion.

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  • Work on yourself. The main step in stopping insecurity is gaining confidence, relationship or not. Improve yourself no matter what your situation is. Work a little harder at work. Get a makeover. Start eating healthier. Begin a regular exercise routine at your gym. The more time you spend on yourself, the less time you will have to worry and feel insecure about your relationship.

About the Author

Lars Tramilton has been writing professionally since 2007. His work has appeared in a variety of online publications, including CareerWorkstation. Tramilton received a bachelor's degree with a focus on elementary education from Kean University.

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