How to Stop Loving Your Ex

Love is an emotion, not a choice; therefore, it's impossible to stop loving someone completely. But you can make a conscious decision to walk away from choices that have led you nowhere, or into more pain. To stop loving someone, you must start loving yourself just a little bit more.

Real Love Never Ends, but Lovers Do Part

Walk away from a painful relationship and don't come back for more. If you do, you're kidding yourself. Will merely walking away do the trick? Probably not, if you still love the person. But keep walking in the opposite direction; it's a good start.

Engage yourself in your own life. If you're a beginner in French and always wanted to speak the language fluently, enroll in a night course at your local community college. If you have always wanted to become a blonde or a redhead, do it! Whatever you do, don't dwell on the person who is making you unhappy. Chances are, he is hardly spending his nights pining over you in the same way.

Tear up any shred of evidence of the relationship, except for one or two photographs or mementos. Then, put these photos and mementos in a special box you can tuck away somewhere--preferably in a storage locker. Keeping reminders around the house of people we once loved, and looking at them every day, is very unhealthy.

Don't return her calls. If they get to be excessive, block her number. Refuse to respond to e-mails, and don't allow--heaven forbid!--unannounced visits. (If your ex is the dangerous type, get a restraining order and/or speak to an attorney!)Most people will not only get the hint, but would be ashamed of themselves for pestering an ex after a breakup. You will never stop loving your ex if you are in constant communication with her. Don't buy into the "We are still friends" ruse. Very few people can successfully pull this off, and if you remain good friends with your ex, your next girlfriend will have to worry about living up to that relationship. Clean breaks are best.

Move on and let go. Start dating again. Just as it takes a new pet to help us get over one that died, so it is in love and romance.Don't start dating randomly, of course, and don't sleep around. Be picky--even when you're older, because you have earned the right to demand that perfect fit.There is someone for everyone, and you will find him when you least expect it. And that person will not look at all like the one who walked away.

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  • f you are truly having trouble letting go emotionally, talk to a therapist.


  • Never stay with an abusive and/or dangerous person.

About the Author

Laurie is a widely published journalist and writer both in the U.S. and the U.K, covering everything from genetic sequencing to Maine Coons. Her stories have appeared in Time Out New York, Entrepreneur, SF Weekly, San Francisco Focus,, the Hudson Dispatch, IET's Engineering & Technology, Yankee, Cape Cod Life, Victorian Homes, TechWeb and VNU's Business Travel News.

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