How to Get a Strong Connection With Your Boyfriend

Intimacy means getting close, both physically and emotionally.Intimacy means getting close, both physically and emotionally.

If your relationship isn’t as close as you’d like it to be, don't wait for your boyfriend to spontaneously open up and bond with you. Take deliberate action -- but subtract the drama -- and your efforts can result in a stronger connection with your man. Add your undivided attention and genuine appreciation, and you'll greatly improve the intimacy problems between you.

Step 1

Flirt with him. If you felt a strong connection to your boyfriend when you first met, chalk it up to the power of attraction. You can recreate that undeniable old feeling and get closer to him, getting out of your relationship rut in the process. Spend less time sitting on the couch together and make the effort to go out on actual dates; if the two of you couldn’t take your eyes off each other when you first met at the coffee shop, take him out for a cup and remind him of how sweet it was that time when he let you take the last sugar packet. Complacency is the enemy of connection.

Step 2

Talk with him. Your man might not seem to value lengthy gab sessions in the same way your best female friend does, but he’ll feel more connected to you if you take the time to ask about his day. A guy wants to feel his girlfriend understands him, even if he doesn’t always spell his feelings out. Go beyond the harried chats while you both multitask; ask more questions and truly pay attention to his answers when he’s in the mood to open up. You might be surprised that there’s more to your man’s inner world than you thought.

Step 3

Touch him. Getting physically close is another way to build more attraction in your relationship and connect with him on a level he gets. Contact that fosters intimacy doesn’t need to be sexual in nature; sneak up behind him and put your arms around him when he’s not expecting it or put your head on his shoulder when you’re sitting next to him.

Step 4

Laugh with him. The best way to have a closer romantic relationship with your boyfriend is to spend more time with him and show him how much you enjoy his company. There’s no point in trying to force your bond to deepen; if he knows you’re happy to be with him, he’ll automatically feel closer to you and your relationship will grow and become more intimate naturally.

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  • Keep the nagging and manipulative moves to a minimum. If you need to discuss issues you have with your relationship, sit down for a grown-up conversation and be direct with your requests. He’ll feel closer to you when you give him respect, and you’ll have better luck with solving your problems. If you’re fighting more than usual, ease up on him and give him the benefit of a doubt instead of holding a grudge.


  • It’s not uncommon for guys to have a hard time getting comfortable creating intimacy in their relationships. Don’t mistake awkwardness for a lack of interest; ease into your campaign for closeness and learn to draw him in without scaring him off.

About the Author

Melissa Lewis has worked as a freelance writer since 2004, gaining much of her experience by working in the marketing/PR field. She writes for various websites, specializing in the areas of marketing, home improvement, cooking and pets. Lewis studied English at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

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