How to Talk to a Girl at a Coffee Shop

Strike up a conversation about hobbies to get her talking about herself.Strike up a conversation about hobbies to get her talking about herself.

The very thought of approaching a female stranger and striking up a conversation out of thin air can be a terrifying prospect. Unfortunately, there is no magic formula for getting a girl to talk to you, let alone find you interesting. However, the more natural and confident the discussion is, the more likely you are to establish an actual connection with your crush.

Carry yourself confidently, but be careful not to confuse confidence with arrogance, as coming on too strong is a quick way to ruin your chances of getting to know this woman better. Confidence comes through in your posture, speech and mannerisms. Be sure to keep your back straight and shoulders slightly back. Keep your chin up, and do not look down while walking or talking, as this implies that you are not confident in what you are saying or even in your own motor skills.

Know your discussion points. Approaching a girl without anything to say can turn into an embarrassing situation quickly. If she is sitting alone at a coffee shop, she is probably reading a book, working on the computer, listening to music or just surfing the Internet. Do a little research to find out why she is there. For example, if she is reading, ask her what she's reading or what kind of books she enjoys.

Introduce yourself to her. Keep your confidence and after a brief introduction, lead with a question about her and her interest. For example, ask a specific question about the book she is reading or the project she is working on.

Compliment her without going overboard. Giving compliments can elicit a positive response, but overdoing it can also turn a girl off to your conversation. Keep any compliments -- especially about her looks -- spaced apart, and do not come on too strong. In her eyes you are still a stranger, and if all you can do is gawk over her looks, you are just another creep trying to hit on her.

Keep the conversation light. Making her laugh not only builds your confidence, it gives her a deeper sense of connection to you. Try to gear most of your conversation to questions about her. If she wants to know things about you, she will make it a point to ask.

Ask for her name. This shows a genuine interest in her as an individual. Once you know her name, try to use it at least once or twice during the conversation. Saying a person's name more than three times in a conversation can help you commit it to long-term memory. It also makes the individual feel a deeper personal connection to you.

Continue the conversation until you feel it is time to bring it to an end. If the conversation dwindles and there is no sign of interest from her, let her know that it was great speaking with her and you hope to run in to her again. If the conversation goes very well, you should still try to keep it to no more than a few minutes. This lets her know that you respect her time and do not feel the need to force a conversation.

Establish a later connection or date. If she frequents the coffee shop, try to set up a time to meet her there again or, if the conversation went really well, ask her for a phone number so you can take her out for dinner sometime.

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  • Nothing is concrete when it comes to meeting women so take it easy and be yourself. If you do not succeed the first time, don't let it keep you from talking to another girl in the future.

About the Author

Jonathan Shaffer has been a freelance writer and blogger since 1999. He has written concert reviews for prominent music blogs and magazines, including "Connections Magazine" in Orlando, Fla. Shaffer holds an Associate of Science in the recording arts from Full Sail University and is working on a Bachelor of Business from Valencia College.

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