How to Talk to a Shy Girl for the First Time

Pick the right time to talk to a shy girl.Pick the right time to talk to a shy girl.

Striking up a conversation with a girl for the first time can be an awkward experience. This is especially true with a shy girl, because she may appear aloof and unapproachable. Traditional forms of flirtation may be intimidating to a shy girl, so you need to change to a slower, more gradual approach. Shy people need extra time to adapt to new situations, even everyday conversations, writes Bernardo Carducci, director of the Indiana University Southeast Shyness Research Institute.

Step 1

Rehearse a warm, friendly smile. Susan Rabin, M.A., author of "How To Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace," writes on her website that the most important aspect of any successful personal interaction is a smile. You want your smile toward a shy girl to be warm and inviting. A smile lets her know that you are friendly and open, even if she, for the moment, is not. Rehearse your smile for your friends, or even practice in a mirror, suggests Rabin.

Step 2

Prepare what you are going to say in advance. Preparing what you are going to say, before you speak to her, will boost your confidence. Shy girls may be reluctant to speak at first, so you can take up the slack by being prepared. Put together some open-ended questions that allow her to express herself. It is not necessary to prepare what you are going to say word for word. Just select topics that you think might be of mutual interest.

Step 3

Approach her cautiously, with a smile. Attempt to make very brief eye contact. Don't be alarmed if she fails to make eye contact, warns the Social Issues Research Centre; it simply is an indication of her shyness. Avoid extended eye contact, as that may make her uncomfortable. As you are approaching her, don't get too close. According to the SIRC, stop at a distance of about 4 feet to begin your conversation. If you approach closer than 4 feet, you may invade her personal space and cause her to feel uncomfortable.

Step 4

Ask her opinion, or advice, on an appropriate topic. The nature of the question would depend on the location of your meeting. At a grocery store, ask her opinion on an item in her cart. If she is drinking wine at a restaurant or bar, ask her opinion on wine. By asking for her advice or opinion, you allow her to express herself on a topic that she is familiar with. This will give her the confidence to continue the conversation. Continue the conversation by trying to get her to laugh. As she is speaking, don't interrupt her. Show interest in what she has to say.

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  • If possible, try having the initial conversation in an area that is not crowded and noisy. A shy girl may be intimidated by a crowded environment, and less inclined to speak.


  • Avoid touching her, or having physical contact with her, during your initial conversation. A shy girl will become frightened if you try and get too close too fast.

About the Author

Based out of Houston, Texas, Michael Hutchins is a personal trainer who has been writing health and fitness-related articles since 1995. His articles have been featured in "Houston Health & Fitness Magazine." Hutchins has a Bachelor of Arts in speech arts from Hofstra University, Hempstead, N.Y.

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