How to Tell a Man What You Want in a Relationship

Make your relationship a happy one by communicating your desires.Make your relationship a happy one by communicating your desires.

Many women lament that their guys just aren't giving them what they want. All too often, the reason that they aren't is not because they don't want to please their ladies, but instead because they don't know what these potentially hard-to-read women are after. Don't leave your guy guessing as to what he needs to do to get you going, but instead make you desires clear. With effective communication, you can show your man how to make you happy and potentially improve the health of your relationship.

Step 1

Praise him for things he is doing well. Many women are hesitant to tell their men what they want for fear that they will seem nit-picky. While this is a real risk, you can greatly reduce the likelihood of this happening by starting with the positive. Instead of diving right in and presenting your guy with your carefully compiled list of 64 things that he isn’t doing, praise him for what he is doing. This will show him that you appreciate him and make him feel less like you are trying to groom him into the man you want him to be.

Step 2

Show him what you want. If there is something you want your guy to do for you, begin by doing it for him. For example, if an end-of-the-day foot massage would be just divine, start by giving his toes some attention at day’s end. After he sees how good this feels, hint that you would like him to reciprocate.

Step 3

Critique without criticism. While it may seem paradoxical, it is possible to critique without criticizing. To accomplish this feat, tell your guy what you would like him to do in kind and appreciative terms. For example, if you need for him to start being nicer to your friends, don’t enter the discussion guns-blazing, yelling at him to be more polite. Instead, kindly remind him that you are nice to his friends – if you are, and if you’re not, you should be – and ask him to do the same.

Step 4

Talk about the future. Though you don’t want to sit down for your first date and share with him your future plans for 2.5 children and a house with a white picket fence, it is important that you share these future desires. If you don’t tell your guy what you want from the future you will not be able to determine whether your wishes align with his plans. When you tell him what you want in the future, encourage him to share as well, listening to what he has to say and evaluating whether your future goals are similar enough to allow compatibility.

Step 5

Be honest. Particularly when you are in the honeymoon stage of your relationships, it can be tempting to tell your guy what you think he wants to hear instead of being entirely open with him; however, doing so is ill advised. Be honest with your man at all costs when discussing your wants and desires. Telling a fib will only delay the inevitable and likely leave your relationship damaged before it even really starts.

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About the Author

Erin Schreiner is a freelance writer and teacher who holds a bachelor's degree from Bowling Green State University. She has been actively freelancing since 2008. Schreiner previously worked for a London-based freelance firm. Her work appears on eHow, and RedEnvelope. She currently teaches writing to middle school students in Ohio and works on her writing craft regularly.

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