Ask yourself a few simple questions: does your partner think he is special? does he feel entitled to special priviledges? does he take advantage of people? does he manipulate people? Is he talented at lying? Does he say things to make people feel sorry for him? Do your talks with him confuse you?
If you answered yes to a few of these questions, you need to consider that your partner might be narcissitic. While only a professional can diagnose a Narcissist, most Narcissists will never go in for therapy unless they are in an extraordinarily tough spot. Narcissists are manipulative, great liars and leave a swath of destruction through humanity. They have no problem using people to get what they want. They have no problem leaving people they supposedly "care about" when it no longer serves them.
Has your partner ever acted "wrong?" If something embarrassing or hurtful happened to you, did he laugh? Worse yet, do you have suspicions that he helped to make the hurtful thing happen to you?
When something great happens to you, does your partner say "that is wonderful." Then follow up with a critical comment? Do you get the feeling he really doesn't like it when good things happen to you? Or to other people?
If your partner has a bad day at work, does he come home and rage? If one of his bosses asks him to be precise in his explanations to save time, does that make him mad? Does he rant and rave about how inept his boss is? Does he say stupid things like "I'll never say anything in staff meeting again?" Like a toddler having a tantrum?
When you were dating, did he make you feel wonderful? Did you think he was ideal? When you were with him, did it feel like the sun was shining on you? Is it vastly different now? Does he devalue you and what you do? Does the Idealizing and devaluing seem to be his only way of feeling about people and things? Is he able to see that people are a combination of good and bad and everything in between?
How do you feel? Confused? Used? Discarded? Angry? Ignored? Manipulated? Pay attention to your feelings. Many Narcissists are good at covering their motivations. If they are intelligent and good with words, they will try to give their odd actions a good motivation. That makes it hard to understand what is going on in your conversations with them. But afterward, you feel confused and you are certain something isn't quite right.
There are some good books available that can help you. "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists" is a good one to start with.
- If your partner has/had narcissistic traits, you need to figure out what attracted you to him. You need to try to keep yourself from falling for another person with narcissistic traits.
- Learn the signs to look for.
- If you fear he may become violent, seek professional help.