Let's say you've met an interesting, attractive guy at a bookstore. You smile and flirt, and he smiles and flirts back. You have a nice conversation about Nietzsche, and he comments on your pretty eyes. You exchange numbers, and you practically float your way back home in your excitement. When you don't hear from him right away, you're tempted to pick up the phone and ask him on a date yourself. However, according to Parker, if a guy is interested, he will call and ask you out. While there are exceptions, if you ask him first and don't let him pursue you, you might cause a guy to lose interest and move on to a woman who is more of a challenge.
The same rules of engagement apply during the beginning stages of a new relationship. The man still wants to be the one pursuing a woman. That includes asking her out for dates as well as initiating phone calls, text messages and other forms of communication. This stage of the relationship doesn't last forever. There will come a time when it's fine for you to pick up the phone just to say hi or to send him a text message to tell him something funny that happened during the day. No two relationships are alike, so only you will know when it's safe to initiate contact with your new guy. However, for at least the first few weeks of dating, let the guy pursue you. It will give you the power to choose whether this is a guy you want to continue dating, rather than experience feelings of neediness or desperation.
When a guy is getting serious about a woman, he sends subtle hints to convey his intentions. It might mean introducing you to his friends and family or making a point to reserve every Saturday night for you. These are good signs that he's boyfriend material and ready for a commitment. At this stage of dating, it's acceptable to mutually call and text each other, set up dates and otherwise keep communication flowing. He will now get more of a thrill by spending time with you than by chasing you.
If you have been waiting for your boyfriend to tell you he intends to marry you, be aware that guys might not be forthcoming with their feelings on marriage and family, even if they are considering a long-term commitment. You might be tempted to give your boyfriend an ultimatum, such as "If we're not engaged by New Year's, we're through." However, this kind of pressure is not likely to work in your favor. If your man feels forced into a decision, he might end up feeling resentful, unsure of his feelings and unwilling to bend toward your point of view. On the other hand, if you calmly express your needs and expectations, making your conversation more informational than demanding, you give him the dignity of making his own choice. Additionally, if he can't meet your needs, you have the freedom to move on to someone who can.