How to Get It Together During a Breakup

Just taking time for yourself is an important step to getting over an ex-lover.Just taking time for yourself is an important step to getting over an ex-lover.

A break-up is one of the most unpleasant experiences in life. If you or someone you love has recently been through a break-up, the feelings being experienced are likely ones of deep doubt, depression and desire to feel whole again. There are all sorts of suggested remedies to recover from a break-up, from "just get over it" to sending hate letters to your ex-lover. However, there are more dignified and graceful ways to recover from a break-up that will leave you a happier, more complete person than you were before it occurred.

Let yourself fall apart. While you may be tempted to experience certain destructive emotions, such as anger or bitterness, sadness is the most natural and appropriate of these. Instead of trying to control your feelings to make them more manageable, let yourself go. Take time to sit on the couch and cry, recognizing the validity of your emotions and journaling to record how you are feeling. Letting yourself feel strongly and not being afraid of overwhelming depression will allow for a full recovery.

Delve into meaning. While there are plenty of self-deprecating thoughts you can entertain when you have just been through a break-up, there is a more positive and uplifting way to get through the situation. When you are this open and vulnerable, you are more moved by meaningful things. Take this unique time to focus on beautiful things: profound music, inspiring art, encouraging books. Learn a little more about yourself and how sensitive you are to love. If your heart is hurting this badly, you must have loved very deeply. Instead of feeling regret or bitterness, embrace the fact that you had the bravery to open yourself up to love.

Exercise. While getting up and moving around may be the last thing you do, it is essential for your well-being and self-esteem. Instead of indulging on a big bowl of ice cream, lace up your running shoes and go for a couple mile jog. While you run, listen to music that inspires and encourages you. Once you get into a habit of running frequently, you will feel more self-confident, clear headed and attractive; all vital feelings to your sense of self worth.

Spend time with a friend who loves you. Expressing your feelings to a friend you are very close to is a wonderful way to recover from a painful breakup. A friend who cares about you will listen to you, validate you and give you a higher perspective on the entire situation.

Be gentle on yourself. Being gentle on yourself is so essential to your happiness during a break-up, but it is often overlooked. Refuse the urge to beat yourself up for making a mistake or doing something wrong during the relationship. Do not entertain thoughts of getting back together with the one who broke your heart. Instead of being angry or trying to ignore your intense feelings, accept them as natural and learn to value yourself more than you ever have. Take this time to learn about who you really are and embrace what you find.

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  • Have faith during the recovery process. While it feels as if your world is falling apart, you are being broken down to be built up into a new, stronger, more wonderful person. Even if you are full of sorrow, the littlest amount of faith will get you through. Believe in hope you cannot currently feel.


  • Do not try to get back with your ex-lover. This will only deepen your pain and prolong the recovery process.

About the Author

Kristen Moutria has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Evangel University. She is currently pursuing her Master of Arts in education from the University of Nebraska.

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