How to Turn On a Girl

Young couple kissing.Young couple kissing.

“What do women want?” is a question not even Sigmund Freud could answer. But today, psychologists and relationship experts are learning about patterns to attractiveness. By figuring out what she’s interested in, helping others, respecting her and showing her that you are committed, you run a better chance of being able to turn her on.

Figure Out What She Wants

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all model for turning someone on because women tend to like different things. Attraction itself tends to vary considerably from one person to the next, with each woman choosing men who have characteristics that she sees as “high quality,” according to research entitled "Are High-Quality Mates Always Attractive?" published in "Communicative and Integrative Biology" in 2010. And that quality thing isn't always about physical attractiveness. If you aren't sure what her interests are, ask her. "What's your favorite pastime?" or "Who's your favorite author?" will give you a head up. Brush up on your studies to turn her on with your grasp of thirteenth century poetry, or whatever she happens to be into. If you suspect she places emphasis on the physical, visit a barber before you visit. Show genuine interest and listen to her responses to learn how to turn her on.

Help Others

Due to human evolutionary history of relying on one another, doing nice things for others makes you more sexually attractive, notes research published in "Evolutionary Biology" in 2013, in the article "Selflessness Is Sexy." This may occur because helping behaviors are subconscious signals that the one doing the helping has good genes for creating a family. Hold open doors, offer to help her brother with his homework, polish her favorite boots or make her dinner. These unbidden gestures go a long way. In short, be nice to the people around you if you want to turn her on.

Respect Her and Offer Non-Sexual Touch

Just as you wouldn’t like it if you felt used, make sure that you’re after more than her body. Women are adept at picking up signals from those they see as “users.” Ask her opinions on world events instead of steering the conversation towards sexual turn-ons or turn-offs. This respect extends to the physical. Hold her hand during a movie, and offer to give her a back rub or a foot rub to help her relax -- without expecting sexual favors in return. Women have to be comfortable to get in the mood, and she likely won’t be if she thinks all you want is a fling. Take your time, show her you respect her ideas and her boundaries, and help her relax through non-sexual touch.

Commitment and Flattery

Girls are not usually turned on by guys who are off dating a number of other females. If you want to turn her on, let her know you only have eyes for her. Show her with your actions — by not gawking at other girls — and with your words. List the things you love about her that put her head and shoulders above the rest. Be specific. Let her know you like her commitment to her family, her honesty or her intelligence. She’s more likely to be turned on if you can show her that you are committed and truly care.

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About the Author

Melody Causewell has been a writer in the mental health field since 2001. She written training manuals and clinical programs for mental health organizations. She has published feature articles "Leaven" magazine and has been published in "Natural Awakenings." She has a degree in psychology, a Masters degree in social work and is a La Leche League leader.

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