How to Win Back an Old Flame

You can win back your old flame.You can win back your old flame.

Five years ago, you met the man of your dreams, who would later become the one who got away. You recently met up with him and realized that you're still in love with him, and you want to give the relationship another chance. Sounds great, right? Not if the man of your dreams only sees you as a friend or a distant memory. Fortunately, it is possible to win back your old flame using your charm, talents and a positive attitude. Plus, you have history on your side. If the relationship was strong the first time, why shouldn't you have a strong relationship now?

Step 1

Make plans to hang out casually with your old flame. Ask him to join you for a casual dinner at a restaurant or at your home. Do not present this dinner as a date. It should appear as if you simply want to hang out as friends.

Step 2

Select an outfit that makes you feel attractive and confident. Wear this outfit when you meet with your former love. If you look and feel good in this outfit, your old flame is sure to notice you in a positive way.

Step 3

Start an open dialogue with your former boyfriend. Ask him about himself. Compliment his successes in order to make him feel valued. Let him know that his stories are interesting and you care about what he has to say.

Step 4

Brag about yourself. Do not go off on a tangent about how great you are, but throw in some information about a few successes that you achieved since you last saw your old girlfriend. Have you gotten a degree? Earned a promotion at work? Learned how to cook? Mention these successes in casual conversation. Your old flame may be attracted to your success.

Step 5

Remind your old flame about the great times you had together. Say things like, "Oh my gosh, remember that time we stayed in the hot tub for hours? We had the best time that day." Doing this will cause your ex to think of your past together in a positive light and focus on the amazing times you spent together.

Step 6

Subtly touch your former love. Give him a quick hug and tell him how much you've missed him. Let your hand brush up against his as you both reach for a piece of bread from the bread basket. Tell him he looks tense and give him a short back massage. This kind of touching is sure to remind your old flame of your previous physical encounters.

Step 7

Be physically conservative. Although you and your date may be tempted to give into physical temptations, starting a relationship with an immediate physical encounter does not allow the relationship to progress at a moderate pace. Let your old flame know that you're interested in more than just sex by keeping physical contact out of the equation until you officially reunite as a couple.

Step 8

End the night properly. Give your old flame a hug and a kiss on the cheek and say goodbye at a reasonable hour. Ask her to call you. These actions will make her curious about what you can offer without giving too much away.

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  • Smile -- a positive attitude will show your old flame that you are a happy person.


  • Do not come on too strong. This will scare your old flame away.
  • If he does not share your feelings about wanting to get back together, be willing to accept his stance and move on.
  • If the two of you had problems in your relationship before, make certain things will be different if you reunite.

About the Author

Cadence Michaels has been writing professionally since 2007, primarily through blogging and articles for various websites. In 2010 Michaels completed a Master of Business Administration degree and hopes her studies will assist her in writing about new topics.

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