How to Win Him Back if You Were Too Clingy

Clingy girlfriends can inadvertently drive away their boyfriends.Clingy girlfriends can inadvertently drive away their boyfriends.

If your boyfriend left you because you were acting too clingy, you may be wondering how you could get him back and become his dream girl. This can be tricky, though, since the reason he wanted out of the relationship in the first place was because you were around too much. There’s a fine line between presenting yourself as someone he wants to be with and smothering him all over again.

Give him some space.

Step 1

Give him space, especially at first. Even if you were clingy, your boyfriend may still miss you when you’re not around anymore. If he’s made the decision to break up with you, he should see what life without you is really like. He’ll never be able to do this if you’re immediately in his face, asking for another chance.

Don't flaunt a new dating life or social life.

Step 2

Avoid the temptation to flaunt a new social or dating life in his face. This won’t make him jealous and dying to have you back. Instead, it will come off as annoying and even immature. No guy wants to settle down with the party girl, and if this isn’t your true persona, you’re not presenting yourself in a positive or honest light.

Work on building your confidence.

Step 3

Build your confidence. The most attractive quality a person can possess is confidence, and the more confident you are, the less you’ll need to rely on your man to boost your ego. This means that you’ll automatically become more independent and less clingy, which is ultimately what your guy needs from you. Even though true confidence comes from the inside, maintaining your appearance and liking how you look will be a big help, too. Take care of your health by eating nutritious foods and exercising regularly. Remind yourself of your good qualities — if you have to, make a list and refer to it daily.

Ask to speak with your ex privately after several weeks have passed.

Step 4

Ask to speak with your ex-boyfriend in private after several weeks have passed. While a few days may feel like a lot of time, this may not be enough time for him to truly reflect on the relationship. Hopefully he’ll have seen for himself what it’s like to be without you in his life. Stay calm and try not to get too emotional.

Tell your boyfriend your feelings.

Step 5

Tell your boyfriend your feelings. Clarify that you know that you were too clingy and that your behavior has permanently changed. Let him know that you understand what it must have felt like for him to be in a clingy relationship. Let him respond when you’re done speaking. Remember, he may not know what to say immediately. He may need some time to think over what you’ve said.

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  • Beware of men who request time off or a “break.” This is a hop, skip and a jump away from a full-blown breakup, and it will leave you feeling confused, lonely and concerned while he’s taking his time off to do whatever he wants to. If you’re truly not comfortable with going on a break, don’t settle just because you’re afraid of losing your man for good.

About the Author

As a full-time writer in New York's Hudson Valley, Lindsay Pietroluongo's nightlife column and photos have appeared regularly in the "Poughkeepsie Journal" since 2007. Additional publications include "Chronogram," the "New Paltz Sojourn," "About Town" newspaper and "Outsider" magazine. Pietroluongo graduated from Marist College with a B.A. in English.

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