How to Write an Online Dating Message

While many people enjoy exploring the variety of potential matches available through online dating, the purpose of online dating is to actually meet a potential mate. To do that, it is necessary to establish communication. The online dating message is the only means to put the process of online dating in motion. Follow these suggestions to maximize the responses to an online dating message.

Step 1

Read the recipient's dating profile. Compare the profile to yours. Gather clues from her interests to use in your response.

Step 2

Call attention to points in common between your profiles. This includes shared hobbies, a similar career or taste in music. Emphasize the features of his profile that prompted you to respond.

Step 3

Describe yourself in flattering but honest terms. Provide a link to your profile if the service allows it. Be sure to refer to yourself by the username you use in your profile.

Step 4

Mention a desire to hear back from her. Keep it light, but let her know that you would like to pursue further communication. Express a desire to meet eventually if things work out.

Things You Will Need

  • Dating profile of intended recipient
  • Your dating profile


  • Profiles with photos receive a better response than profiles without photos. This is especially true for women.
  • If you don't post a photo, mention that you have photos available and provide a full description.
  • Keep the message short. One line messages are not effective, but neither is spilling your entire life story to a complete stranger. Don't push for a meeting in the first message.
  • If you don't receive a response after several days, it is OK to post a single follow-up message, but no more than one.
  • Humor can be charming and effective, but keep it clean until you know the other person better.
  • Keep records of your correspondence, especially if you communicate with several people at the same time.
  • If there seems to be rapport between you and another person after a few email messages, suggest getting together or at least a phone call. Don't get caught up in a lengthy email romance.


  • Do not ask for or provide a full name, private email address or telephone number in an initial message. It's not only unwise, but doing so may violate the rules of the dating site.
  • Don't lapse into sloppy grammar, spelling and punctuation or use all caps in your email message.

About the Author

Chris Blank is an independent writer and research consultant with more than 20 years' experience. Blank specializes in social policy analysis, current events, popular culture and travel. His work has appeared both online and in print publications. He holds a Master of Arts in sociology and a Juris Doctor.

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